Friday, 27 June 2008

Rapid Cycling

It's a strange beast to try to get a handle on. Week before last I was flying. Last week was pure black hell, and the nights were full of suicide.

This morning I woke up, happy as Larry, breezy as a lark, full of gentle happiness, racing away a little, but just about perfect. The jangle in the head has increased over the day though, so probably going up.

Oh, the Jangle. Mr BoJangles. It's like a constant electrical current over the frontal lobe and the temporal lobes. Or a giant alarm bell crammed inside my skull. Sometimes I hear it too. I've got used to it. Insofar as one gets used to these things.

There is no accounting for it. That is what is hardest. I do not know from day to night if I'm going to be running naked through the fields or sitting crouched in the corner, frozen-faced, hunchback, grim-mouthed. It is doing my head in, ladies and gentlemen.

I've tried every possible form of mood chart I can devise. Currently rating flight of thought, psychomotor, mood and agitation. Still doesn't have a pattern.

Ok, there is a sort of pattern. There seems to be a rough monthly to five week cycle. Within that is a randomish weekly up and down. Around that who knows what roller coaster that cycle falls on?

One theory I have is that rapid cycling is brought on by one's brain trying to regulate its own mood, and overshooting. Who knows? I just bought a book. It hasn't helped much. It basically says - we know very little, and much more research needs to be done.

Oh well. Excuse me. I just have to go and practice my cartwheels in the garden.

p.s. That book is a damn sight cheaper if you buy it 2nd hand from India - took 2 days to arrive as well!


Terra Incognita said...

You know, mood charts be damned! After the fact is when I look back on them and go, "shoooot, I was sooo wrong about that, LOL". Usually I just fill it in so that I can see if I need to have medication adjustments, not so much to find a pattern. Who the hell knows. Sometimes I'm off by an hour's sleep and my whole cycle shifts. Or too much sugar. Or too much caffeine. Or a really good movie. *sigh*
It was great meeting you. Thanks for visiting my blog. I've added you to my "support group" list.

Terra Incognita said...

Hi, me again, stalking you. :P
I've tagged you for a meme at my blog, so check it out. I thought you might like it.
PS i promise i won't comment again for a while LOL

Abysmal Musings said...

Ha ha ha - thanks Terra - if I only knew what a blooming meme was! :-D