Wednesday, 3 September 2008


Technically dead. Well, that's what we are before we're born. And we're definitely technically dead after we die. Ditto with our perception of being ill. I've always been like this. I've been technically defined as being ill at the beginning of this year. But now I feel better, am I going to tell myself I'm technically ill? No. Of course I'm not. (Swearwords deleted). But why is it 4:18 and I'm not in bed? Do I need a higher dose? Do I need a sleeping pill (hate them), do I need to run around the lanes and the woods in a futile attempt to get tired? I feel FINE. The only problem is that I remember too well getting one hour of sleep before the next working day. I hate the solution so much I still resist. I take my hat off to all of you who do it because you must. I'm bloody lucky at the moment. Having the pressure off isn't helpful in some ways.

Apologies - this is rambling crap.


Terra Incognita said...

I don't consider it an illness. I consider myself as having occasional symptoms of hypomania and depression which are just as much a part of me as the fact that I have red hair or tiny feet. Simply part of my character. And, I take sleeping pills. Because 4:18am simply fucking sucks when I have to get up in three hours to take the kids to school. And eventually, in my case, my brain shuts down from overload.
I'm glad you're okay. Been thinking about you.

Abysmal Musings said...

Thanks Terra. Hope you're well too.