Wednesday, 15 October 2008

It is raining

Today is one of those days where the future seems to have been removed. These days are common these days. The cosmic scissors go snip snip and my brain locks into the stultifying present. I try to make plans: "Tomorrow I shall do this, this afternoon I shall do that," but these intentions feel as unreal as if I were to declare that next week I will pay a visit to Jupiter.

The present tense: the degree of focus, the focus on presentness, the presence of the present: the tighter it gets the more disconcerting and unpleasant it gets. It gets to the point when the present locks down so tightly that it is hard to envisage the destination of a sentence. Words separate.

However, things get done, to a degree. It just feels as if it is chance that achieves them - as if I have no part in them.


Marian said...

Intentions - "The road to hell is paved with good intentions".

Sounds to me like you're fighting the present moment, i.e. the only "time" there is. As long as you fight, the things you get done will continue to feel like you've had no part in getting them done. Nothing gets done in the future. It all gets done in the present moment. Stop fighting it.

Abysmal Musings said...

Thanks Marian,

I know what you mean - but I don't fight the present usually - only when it closes in too close. When for instance I pick up something and then get distracted and pick up something else and then want to pick up something else again and can't work out which thing to put down to pick up the third thing.

I've always been a great fan and advocate of living in the present as much as possible. But what do we call the present? The m (o) ment when I type the 'o'? Or when I typed the word 'moment'? Or indeed the space within which I thought of this argument and wrote down these few brief and garbled sentences?

The only time we're alive is now, I agree completely with that. However, the only time we're happily alive is now and then and to come, in my opinion.

Thanks for your comment though. It's made me wonder if I do fight it. D