Thursday, 11 December 2008

Sorry, Been A Bit...

Am trying not to post nonsense...

Something I discovered yesterday - intense exercise when you're high makes you higher. I suppose they all say exercise 'raises mood'... Damn - I was trying to tire myself out. No sleep last night. My vision was covered with snow - ears buzzing. Lying in bed locked into a grim, keen wakefulness, watching this sleet whirling around and listening to this tedious river rumbling...

What do you do eh? What do you do? I keep trying to 'take it easy' to try and let my brain calm down, but it's starting to hit the 'incoherent' levels - and people have been starting to look concerned again.


Mandy said...


Dying me hair here so thought I would buzz around blogland (again) whilst the chemicals do their business.

Ooooh...I never was a one for enjoying the so called highs. Well not since I got too old to replace the burnt energy and they weren't really all that when I was younger.

I didn't realise I was manic depressive and now trendilly referred to as Bipolar for a while because I thought the manic element was all about delrious states of joy and loving the world. Well that is what I had read about. Shows how much I knew.

Okay, so some people do get them. Lucky beggers. Well, lucky when it isn't putting them in danger. I rarely, if ever, feel euphoric when I go manic. I just get wiry and am compulsively driven to do stuff...stuff that I never complete because the concentration levels are zilch so I flit...and have often flitted outside leaving my door wide open or having left something bubbling away on the cooker. Ooops!

Since the lorazepam I don't get that. I do get racing thoughts and times when I can feel myself heading into a cycle (I just do extra sedatives) but No way am I advocating lorazepam as the way to stop mania for others. We are all individuals and what works for me might not work for anyone else.

For example, close friend is on 4 lozees a day (as well as anti depressants) and her moods swing more than mine do. Perhaps that means I am less of a manic than she is. I just pondering.

Hope things settle a bit for you. Not sure what to advise or whether that would be advisable for me to do (as in offering something that is pretty naff anyway).

Stay safe :>)

Lola Snow said...

Hope you found the volume control, or at least adjusted the set to get rid of the snow. It seems to be snowing all over blogland at the moment, but that might be an unrelated issue.

Lola x

Abysmal Musings said...

The time is out of joint: O cursed spite,
That ever I was born to set it right!

Thanks both.

Mandy, I know exactly where you're coming from regarding euphoria... I always assumed because I never thought I was Jesus I couldn't possibly have it. Oh, actually, I did spend a couple of months walking round the streets dressed as Moses in an orange sheet (they must have thought I was one of the Krishnas)... but heck, I must be more of an Old Testament person. Actually I just blame Charlton Heston... Yes, I have had 'good times', or 'wildly interesting times', but generally they've been full of an incessant dissatisfaction and debilitating bile, etc...

Lola, the snow has almost stopped, the noise in the head is a bit quieter. I was lying there last night, not particularly irritated by those particular manifestations of my head coming unscrewed, but I was/am certainly feeling a ghastly foreboding about them. I've had interesting visuals and auditory stuff in the past, but naively I just assumed I had a good imagination, and that anyone was capable of experiencing those sensations. Some days I think that is as accurate a description in terms of usefulness as any amount of psychiatric diagnosis. Other days I worry that my brain is burning out.

Oh well, take care all! At least life is interestingly tedious... Count my blessings I suppose. And it saves so much money on taking all the drugs I never tried through some instinct or other... never ever fancied stimulants or psychedelics!

Sorry, rambling. Enough.