Thursday, 18 December 2008

The Shambles

Career... ha. Getting back to work. Hmmm. I dearly want to, because I'm going stir-crazy in this bizarre form of house-arrest I find myself in. (I live out in the howling wilderness, and apparently, for the safety of myself and other road users, I'm not allowed to drive at the moment.)

I was just thinking... pondering... hallucinating drafting my CV - haven't needed to for about 10 years... and imagining the interviews... ha ha ha ha ha! Sorry, the prospect is too funny to contemplate. I really want to be doing something, I'm not being encouraged to do anything by my MH team, and I know I'm not up to doing anything. Multipolar attitude problem.

In the interview: "Is there anything else you'd like to ask or tell us?"

I'm mad. I suffer from an unpleasant variety of manic-depression. The benefits outweigh the possible um... complications... honest! I'm a great team-player, so long as I'm in charge. Yes I know the last employment I was in, I did really well, so well in fact I realised I could do a better job and set up in competition on my own... You'd see me for at least one week a month! When I'm up, you won't believe the new directions I'll take your company! Aggressive? Only if I'm told what to do by a fool! But tell me to lead the men over the top towards the wire and I'm your man! Yes Sir! This interview is ridiculous. If you want a boring, lazy, idiot, why didn't you say so in the first place? My last year's salary? £45000, according to the accounts, but I know they must be wrong. It couldn't possibly have been as high as that, but I won't accept a penny less, after it's been adjusted for cost-of-living inflation. Interpersonal skills? I like your earrings, they really suit you. Ugh! I couldn't possibly work with that carpet. If I get the post, can you change it? Right, now, here are MY terms and conditions...

What do you mean, "Welcome aboard?"

5 comments:

Marian said...

I wonder if the true prison is the house or something like loneliness. - Just quibbling ;)

Abysmal Musings said...

Perhaps I miss the casual bustle of life - no time to feel lonely at home - not with my family rampaging about! :-)

Mandy said...

Hi Dave

Is it Fear and self-loathing in the wilderness?

Or reality checking from the peripheries?

Has got me to thinking about my cv.

Not so bad on the skills front but when it comes to 'reasonable adjustments' (for me) I think the employer would be trying to work out how they can file me under 'non starter' whilst adhering to the Disability Discrimination Act.

I too have been thinking of work lately...because I could do with the 'usefulness' aspect of doing work as well as a decent income ..only chances of a loony..returning to work after a long period off work...getting a job (with a half decent salary) in the present economic climate are slim to non existant.

Still...we can keep our dreams. :>)

Abysmal Musings said...

Yeah, looks like it will have to be self-employment again!

Immi said...

Heh, my interview would sound a lot like that. Thus I work for myself, and I'm used to be rattling off like that. I need to talk to me about a huge raise, though.