Friday, 5 December 2008

We'll head them off at the pass, Hank...

Well, thank goodness, slept five hours last night, and other three in the day. It bumped my sleep average back over the four hours a night. A friend once told me his psych told him that four hours a night was around the danger level. I naturally seem to function best on six.

It was an amusing sight in our living room at seven in the morning before school. Myself with the baby and the boys were dancing madly at full volume to Reinhardt and Grappelli on an eternal loop.

I'm trying hard to think how to describe the state I feel in. To say it feels insecure, fragile, poised... like a tower of blocks that has got too high and is wobbling slightly everytime anyone sneezes... It feels like I'm stationary, six foot below the start of the helter-skelter slide... hard to go backwards, but perhaps by shuffling very carefully...

This probably all sounds overly-indulgent. Does anyone ever get a conviction that something is this way and not that, even if one can't put the finger on the spot? In the same way that a couple of days ago I described feeling 'expectant' - something in me is waiting, or knows something I don't.

I'm just glad I'm not down, but that keeps being flashed before my eyes, as if some interrogator persists in showing me the instruments.

What I'm trying to say is I feel like a pingpong ball bouncing on the top of a jet of water, or a picture shaking on the wall during an earthquake - all might settle be still, or the string might come off the nail.

I just don't want to go through all that again so soon. So I'm going to breathe quietly, keep a sense of humour, and a close jaundiced eye rolled backwards in the socket back at myself. At the end of the day, what will be will be, and I'm not going to add to the distress by worrying about it, because that hardly helps either.

7 comments:

la said...

I slept last night! Til someone woke me at 5am by ringing my doorbell and shouting "Yetta! Yetta!" Yeah, think I might have dreamt that bit.

Abysmal Musings said...

Sounds par for the course! (the yetta yetta bit). It weren't me, honest, gov.

Lola Snow said...

I quite often get that feeling of "and......." expectant is right.

But then sometimes I get the impression I am in a completely different place altogether. The other night for about five minutes I was convinced that I was back in the house where I grew up, about 20 years ago...
I don't know, eh? If we carry on like this, people are going to assume we're mentally ill.

Lola x

Immi said...

Good deal on the sleep. Any sleep is better than none, usually. May the sleep fairy bring your more tonight.

Mandy said...

Another classic title for a blog. There are some corkers in blogland.

Re: Your comment on my blog,
Shall I tell you to pull your socks up now or later, after your next morning dance?

It is a matter of principle to me that I only pull my socks up if they are bought for me. :>)

Abysmal Musings said...

Thanks everyone, and welcome to Mandy. I think I need to change my socks, so I'd happily rub them in the face of the next bastard who tells me to pull them up!

Abysmal Musings said...

p.s. thanks - I think you're the first to compliment me on the title... it's kicked around for a few years, but I go through deletion episodes myself. Seemed sensible to resurrect it this year.