Thursday, 22 January 2009

Been Lethargic and Hyper of Late

And the two states have been riffled together like a pack of cards over the last few days.

I have been meaning to write a long post on the history of mixed-states over the last 100 or so years, but keep finding the prospect exceedingly dull. I will get round to it, because during my brooding over the last year I've got myself firstly some decent texts on the subject which deserve paraphrasing (someone might find it useful), and secondly I've developed my own jaundiced ideas and criticisms of the whole subject area. Anyway, that is in the pipeline, but can't be arsed at the moment.

Sleep has been either too much or hardly any. Nothing I do to try to influence it seems to make any difference. Mood has been up and down. My brain seems to be in a permanent state of thinking of three things at any one time (no change there) but with very few focused windows of opportunity to achieve anything useful.

Went out on Tuesday to do a morning of voluntary work with my old friend to see how well my patience and concentration and temper held out in the old work environment. No, not dangling in the clouds, just conserving a Norman font. Of course it felt as if I hadn't been away, nor mad, or if I was mad, then I was always mad. Anyway, just like old times. I was pretty low the day after though. Still, gives me hope, assuming the driving license turns up soon. I also realised that those four hours if I had been paid would have been the same money as two weeks incapacity. Now there's a spur.

Damn it. If the bastards hadn't been called out a year ago, I'd probably have calmed down by February and have been back at work as if nothing had happened. What a fucking mess. It's like tightrope walking. One slip and you've had it.

"Life is being on the wire, everything else is just waiting." Karl Wallenda.


Terra Incognita said...

It is quite like that, isn't it, like a tight rope?
But we like you, we want you around. You may not have been okay come February. And taking all this time off, it's been good for you, hasn't it? It's been shit, true, the reason for it, but it's been good too.
Who knows what the future will bring. I hope you return to work, to the top of the world.

differentlysane said...

I look forward to the post on mixed-states.

I can't work out what mood I'm in at the moment, or even if that is a good thing or not.

"The whole world is a very narrow bridge,
And the most important thing to remember is not to fear."
- Nachman of Bratslav.

I think he forgot to mention that it was an old decrepit rope bridge which is swingly precariously over a deep and vast ravine.