Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Post Patrick's Night Update and General Auld Stuff.

I've been feeling better simply by dint of refusing to describe myself as up or down or mixed or fucked-up or what-have-you. But I've been pretty down for a while, and have been fairly up for the last few days - manageably so. Nothing worth remarking on really. The suicidal gloom has blown away and the slow-motion crystal-clarity seventh-sense second-guessingism has taken its place.

Was out playing music last night. I was having a ball. I'm not being big-headed if I called myself one of the fiddle players others look to to lift up the pace or hold things together. Anyway, last night everything felt in slow motion. Playing away at eight notes a second (discounting ornaments and grace notes of course) but it felt like a football pitch of space between each one. It got me thinking (since when time slows like that you have plenty of time to think waiting for the next note to arrive) and it was the old truism: we have a finite number of heartbeats, breaths, curses, blessings, orgasms, smiles, farts, new-fangled obsessions... and it really doesn't matter a shite how fast we run through our allotment. Just so long as we try to bloody appreciate our lot while we have it. And last night was very lovely - we've got some very good, understanding and loving friends out there. Judgement is suspended - nay - sympathy and warmth is invoked.

Slowing of time... I came in while the boys were watching a film the other day: something called over the hedge. There was a scene where a cute cartoon animal drinks some caffiene pop and time stops. Oh! Hang on, let me check youtube... Ok... here we are

That is so true for me it makes me crack up with recognition everytime I see it. People GET IN THE WAY ALL THE TIME.

It's like being in a speedboat dodging icebergs. No wonder everyone hates me - I breathe down their neck making them feel slow.

Ach - enough. I'm boring myself. Take care all.


Alarryyk said...

thanks for this...i resonate that.

Hannah said...

I'm about to embark on 2 days of 'seizing opportunitiy and living life to the full' I'll be honest I'm shit scared and want to puke.
However, having just read your post, I'm adamant I must go and enjoy every second of it - if I can stop shaking enough to leave the house!
There will be a post when I return!
Take care and thanks for the much needed words of wisdom!

Hann xx