Friday, 15 May 2009

Mr Psycho "Sleep Hygiene".

Isn't that the most disgusting phrase? "Sleep hygiene"? It turns the most blessed benison we're given in this life into a ghastly medical exercise.

Anyway, yesterday the head was bad, but it was bad from the opposite corner of the boxing ring. (Hypo)mania with dysphoria is not the same as agitated depression. In fact I prefer, (when clever enough to form a critical opinion), the latter.

So, I thought I'd fight the bastard and ensure a good night's sleep. So I kipped on the sofa and jammed the door shut with a large trunk to stop the dawn chorus of small boys leaping on me. Stupid. I should have left a note. Worried K. She was trying to break the door in.

One always forgets, knowing oneself, how little others actually know you, and how there are places and times for worrying, and places and times to ignore. (Stephen Fry's anecdote about penile warts comes to mind... it's on youtube if you want to find it - the essence was you don't take your penile warts to your wife or best friend, you find people who are more distant - your gp for example).

It's a good sign I didn't even consider telling anyone. It means I'm not thinking in that quarter in the slightest. But I feel bad for worrying her.

Take care all, there's nothing one can do right apart from be born and die, all the middle part is just a gorgeous cock-up, so enjoy!


p.s. The strategy worked. Selfish. But it worked.


LoopyKate said...

I'm not sure i know the differnce between hpomania/dysphoria and melancholia agitata. I've just about trained the child to read the signs. She now has a set of 'mechano' which allows me until abiut 10.30 (weekends) to prize my head out.
I spend alot of my time longing for someome to hold me and the rest being damned relieved that there ain't!

Abysmal Musings said...

The human condition in a nutshell.

Not sure if I know the difference either - but one has some sleep the other hasn't.


p.s. 10.30! I aim for 7, but it always ends up being 9. Then again, mine are younger. (Winces at the ever later bedtimes to come).

Abysmal Musings said...

I do know the difference, damn it.

Ok, dysphoric mania comes first, agitated depression comes second in each item below.

No sleep / Some sleep
No concentration / Good concentration
Happy go lucky / Sappy go fucky
Horrible head / Better than dead
Unbearable, when bad / Capable, even when sad.

I prefer my version of down. The other is like having two whirring motors pressed to each ear.

The brain wants to escape, and it invents stupid and dangerous and lethal methods to do so.


It is the old grind along the seabed, but your hopes are kept up by the plucky sod who keeps diving up for the air and plunging down to share it with the rest of us trapped bastards.

Abysmal Musings said...

But worst of all is when I get down unleavened. Just down. I'm not very good with that. Thankfully I shy away from it and refuse to get out of bed. Always have. I've only had that badly twice in my life. But it lasts (too) long enough, and the times seem horribly memorable.

Abysmal Musings said...

(When I say lasts a long time, I mean 2 months) - I'm lucky - I have an inbuilt self-destructive kick yourself out of the rut mechanism that doesn't really help in the long term. Just fucks me up into highs whenever I go down. I think of it as a she. She attacks when I show the slightest sign of depression. It zooms me up.

It does my head in. Sometimes I really want to go down for a while. A month. Maybe two. Just to bloody recuperate. But she doesn't let me.

So the vortex gets deeper and higher.

Abysmal Musings said...

Final word on the matter: it is the difference of being up til 7, 8, 9 im the morning or 11, 12, 1 at night. There is a difference. It is a sea-change, as the saying has it. Is that Shakespeare? Or older? Can't be arsed to google. Night all.

Abysmal Musings said...

(in) (obviously) (pah) (fuck) (bloody norah) (night night)

Hannah said...

I remember having a group session in hospital about sleep hygeine! was the most bizarre thing ever! makes you feel all grubby about getting into bed unless you've performed some kind of ancient ritual before hand involving staring into a candle whilst counting backwards from 500.
These days I just get into bed with the cat and wait! dirty but sometimes it works.

Terra Incognita said...

Does it make it easier now, after being "Diagnosed" knowing the conditions? "dysporia", "hypomania", etc. Whereas before you didn't know what it was you were experiencing? Therefore, being able to take appropriate measures? Or were you always able to take them?

La-reve said...

With you there hannah have a 12 page booklet on sleep hygiene all about relaxationa nd a a cd where a man talks about feeling sleepy for 45 mins courtesy of current hospy stay doesnt help of your mood is all wrong for sleep - that way tonight - oh well. hoping you got some wuality sleep D I have boy nearly 2 so daytime kippping an imposibility.

Abysmal Musings said...

Boys aged 6, 4 and 1 - yeah, hence the trunk. I haven't slept properly since 2002. Dx

Abysmal Musings said...

What's he called? (tell me by email if you don't want to broadcast)

And hope with all my heart something good happens for you soon.


depressionetal said...


I found the ditty on difference between dm and ad amusing and also interesting as someone who's never had dysphoric mania and so wouldn't know the difference.

haha re sleep hygiene. That was mentioned to me at my last Occupational Therapy appointment.

OT: "Have you heard of sleep hygiene?

Me (in my head): "My bed is located in an entirely separate room from the toilet? Is that the sort of thing you mean...?"

Sleep hygiene, tut. Liked Hannah's take on it - let's all get grubby,

Louise x

Abysmal Musings said...

Terra: it makes it 'safer', perhaps, but harder in the happy-go-lucky sense. Always looking over my shoulder at myself if you know what I mean. Bah - I suppose it's for the best, but never such innocence again, etc. That said, I think I can still do blithe and breezy and the old "I'm not ill, damn it!" well enough to get some balance there.

Hannah, Louise: Dirty grubby sleep, wonderful. But clean cotton sheets, dried in the sun and wind after a good bath is best. Shame I never feel sleepy after a good bath!

take care all, Dx