Sunday, 10 May 2009

Ok, I'm Still Up Rather Late

But there is a difference.

Three days ago I had no choice. Tonight I'm just winding down.

And the horrid noise in the head that has built and built over the last two months has gone.

It must be a good sign? Mustn't it?

I feel calm inside. Calm and confident and still. Not ghastly shredding and anxiety and tap-dancing.

Please, no 'calm before the storm' comments. I don't think I'm in the eye of the hurricane either.

I can't explain it, but I feel much better. And just one night's good sleep did it. Haven't had super sleep since. Firstly, families with small children don't let you, even if they're trying to. Secondly, I'm still zinging, but it's shifted into a different framework. A calm framework. It'll turn into productivity I hope. That's what always used to happen. Those bloody pills just sent me into depression or mixed states. I'm trying an experiment - letting nature take her bloody course.

Wish me luck!



Hannah said...

Great signs! I guess the body gives in to sleep eventually, like you say, let nature take its course.
Big Hugs!

Hann xx

lettersfromexile said...

What do agnostics do when they don't pray? Hope? Send best wishes? Whatever it is, I'm doing it for you xx

colouredmind said...

Sounds really good. Hannah x

Abysmal Musings said...

Hey, thanks everyone. I hope it lasts a while. If I'm still better at the end of the summer I'll be standing on a soapbox proclaiming it was the pills fucked me up. Take care Hann, La, Hannah. Dxxx