Wednesday, 13 May 2009


Saw Psychiatrist - went well I suppose. He seems to be behind me pretty much in my attempt to get my head straight sans drugs - the evidence of the last 18 months is that they don't help - or I don't take them, so I think they're giving me my head for the time being. He seemed very pleased at my recent improvement. He didn't really worry about the last 'interesting' month or two. Told me to avoid stress - Ha! - and to have things to look forward to. (Yawn). Don't have to see him for six months, which is good. I'm perfecting the lie, or the art of down-playing events.

Went to CAB for advice on tax, benefits, the whole crap shebang. The woman seemed confident that it would be fine, but not sure enough to inspire confidence in me. She didn't know, in other words. She was very nice though, a real old sterling silver battleaxe with a heart of gold.

Went to Bristol in the evening to play music - quiet night, only four or five of us, which made a pleasant change.

Been rather flat today. That flatness that one tries to stay in because one knows that leaving it means worrying about a hundred different things, and one is just too damn fed up with worrying for the time being.

Oh well, take care all, D x


depressionetal said...

Hope that the practical problems get sorted, through CAB or other.

Flatness can be a rest from the thought-pecking at times, although I can't be doing with it for too long.

Take care

Louise x

La-reve said...

Glad shrink appointmnet went well you seem to have things under wraps mostly D. An inspiration to me I think. I hope to get there one day in near future. x

Abysmal Musings said...

Wish they were as much underwraps as I wish they were. Today was crap. I'm trying to stay out of the pit. Trying to get back to that calm feeling. It's the other agitated feeling - the down one - that's beginning to take over. I'll be damned if I let it.

I really hope you find some way of coping, or even better, some real peace of mind. The only knack I know is to firstly not care too much about my health, mental or otherwise, and secondly to keep going, and last, but most importantly, to keep laughing at myself. I suppose love comes into the equation somewhere, perhaps everywhere.

Take care my dear, hope things get better for you soon.


Abysmal Musings said...

Louise: thanks for that. I'm just fed up - one week (if that) of normality. Then into the mirror image of the same old. I would thank the gods if I believed in them that I'm up and down simultaneously, or down and up simultaneously - I wrote a while back about how I think it is a learned survival mechanism if one can do it. Don't ask me how. I think it comes from the upbringing.

There is a difference between up (and down), and down (and up). The latter lets you sleep. And also the brain while wired, doesn't go off on such tangents. But the gloom is greater.

Take care, Dx

depressionetal said...

Ah what a lovely choice we have :s

I'm not surprised you're fed up, I am also.

Perhaps I had a downbringing instead of an upbringing, considering I'm more down than up.

I've always been of the opinion that I'd generally rather have anxious-me than depressed-me, but I reserve the right to retract that at any time ;)

Sorry if this comment doesn't make sense, my brain is a little fritzed at the moment x

Abysmal Musings said...

That's ok me dear - par for the course round these parts! Dx