Sunday, 7 June 2009

Is Manic Depression Natural?

(in answer to Seaneen)

Yes, of course it is.

(That said, I've made the case for nuclear bombs being natural too, but am restricting myself to the common usage of the word 'natural'.)

It is an extremity, and maybe could be termed an abnormality, as only one in a hundred of humanity have it in a florid form... but to me looking at people it is obvious that it is one end of a spectrum, or one corner of a dodecahedron of spectra.

Are under-ten-second sprinters natural?

Is it a desirable condition?

That is impossible to answer on a personal basis. Before diagnosis I liked being me, I was happy with who I was, eccentricities and all. After being labelled, why should I revise my own personal self-estimation of my happiness?

I'm who I am. I'm happy being me. I don't give a toss what I am called.

I'm trying to write a post that is connected to this topic following reading a piece of research comparing schizotypal symptoms with different creative professions. Something that keeps coming up is a concept called (horridly) "ego-strength". I would prefer "self-centredness", "selfishness", "self" "self" "self", to disinfect it from the vaguely perjorative "strength" word.

It's not how bad you have it, it's how well you can cope with it.

Has anyone been in a really deadly mountain blizzard?

Some people panic, others can cope and look out for themselves and others, and some people run off leaving people for dead. I know which category I'm in, and it's the second.

I think there is something very positive for me in that I got to my late thirties before being fingered by the goons. I could have been nabbed at any time from my later teens. I've developed my 'selfishness'. I know I'm damn right, and the doctors are spanners in the works 95% of the time. My doctors and nurse have come round to my thinking. They laugh with me because I'm a problem case, but are pleased I think because they know there is no way I would ever bother them during a bad time.

I'm not recommending my personal choice btw. But I think a maybe inflated or at least healthy sense of self is the equivalent of having a gallon pot to pour the pint of poison in rather than a teacup. Maybe it is selfishness that explains the way this condition can lessen as we get older? We are more "ourselves" - and can bear the vagaries and extremities of the condition with a jaundiced and humorous eye? We bloggers obviously have enough self to spill on the page for others. I think the fact we can write self-selects us as capable in some form or fashion, on some level of Dante, whatever the particular circle of heaven or hell we find ourselves in month to month.

I've gabbled enough. Don't listen to me. What would I know? My brain is on the blink, allegedly. And tonight I'm knackered, half-cut, and flying. Blame the weather. I love thunderstorms. Dx

Random photo for fun:

Frosty day from R------ton Long Barrow. View big. MF. Sorry about the fluff and dust.


Gianna said...

I liked that...sorry I have nothing more to brain is fried right now.

Abysmal Musings said...

Thanks Gianna.

madatheist said...

Cynaide is natural. IMHO natural is a bullshit term that really means nothing. Just because it is natural makes it no better than if it is artificial.

Then again, I think it's meant to mean in this case that it's a normal part of some people, as compared to a invented part of some people. But in which case, typing in an invented part of me, and rage was a natural part of me that I got rid of with anti-psychotics. Which one is better?

David said...

I agree Abysmal that Manic Depression is natural and on a spectrum. I was into my late thirties also when the authorities came crashing down. Just came across your blog. Good Luck and Keep Going.

depressionetal said...

Interesting post. Great pic. 'Nuf said.
Louise x

Mandy said...

Hi D

In answer to your question...I dunno but, for, me Manic Depression sucks.

I don't get the highs. I get the driving force to keep doing stuff or the wanderlust but that is not a happy place to be. In fact, the last time I had an enjoyable high was too long back to remember.

I am a bit like Gianna in the fact that my brain is too fried to make any real sense out of any of it..the illness or the treatments. It is just pants is all I can really say with any certainty.

Abysmal Musings said...

Yes, I think we can safely build a consensus on sucks, pants, fried, the devil and the deep blue sea, a rock and a hard place. In fact I'm clinging halfway down a cliff overlooking the atlantic frying the devil's sucky pants as we speak.

Take care all, dx

Gianna said...'s true my brain is fried and I couldn't directly respond to what AM said was all sort of poetic to me, but I'm not ambivalent about treatment for ME in any case...

I've been withdrawing from drugs for 5 years from 6 drugs...almost done...I'm on my final drug and the end of that too...and though, yes, my brain IS indeed fried after 20 years of massive overmedication and my body, too, has suffered from the detox...I DO have my soul back...I have my sense of self...

I know that for me drugs are unnatural and hurt me profoundly...I don't impose that on anyone but it is my message to the world on my blog because I do think there are many like me who would do much better had no drug ever been introduced into their bodies...

I don't pretend to know the answer for everyone...but if they resonate with my answer at all I that much FOR ME I am clear about...

peace to everyone on their path to find their own truth.

what does "pants" mean? is it british? I have a brit husband but he doesn't say that word??

Abysmal Musings said...

Hi Gianna:

pants (!) Noun/Adj. Nonsense, rubbish, bad. From the standard British English of pants, meaning underwear; also a variation on 'knickers'. E.g."The first half was pants but I stayed until the end and it was actually a great film." [1990s]
Exclam. An exclamation of annoyance or frustration. From the noun, (above).

I agree. Everybody reacts differently, everyone has a different comfort zone, everybody should be free to cope with as much or as little help as they want.

Bella said...

hi there, just out cruising the blogosphere and landed here in this bipolar zone. Interesting blog. I am always fascinated with the human mind. In fact, I suspected my ex to be bipolar, but it turns out he was psychopathic and sociopathic, and is now on trial for sexual crimes against children. Mind if I bookmark?

Abysmal Musings said...

It's so nice to know we manic-depressives are clumped together so casually with all manner of tautological pigeon-holes.

Bookmark away, I can't stop you, and it's a free internet, I suppose.

atb D