Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Diary

Monday* Tuesday. Last night slept 1.00-3.00 & 4.00-6.00. V low all day. Managed to make kids' breakfast and lunch. Couldn't face going out. Looked after little one all afternoon. Baked a cake, because little one kept saying 'cake' brightly and hopefully. Couldn't face going out to fortnightly music session. Watched Bellissima by Visconte in evening. Cried. Very sore back all day.

Other news, Happy Birthday Little Sister!

* what bloody day was it today?

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Wednesday. Last night slept 3.00 - 4.30. 5.30 - 7.00. 8.00 - 10.30. Still broken, but what an improvement. If yesterday was mood = -8, today was only -2. Felt pretty good, relatively speaking. Anxious, yes. Irritable, at times. But at least energy to engage with the kids, and even go out for a couple of hours in the afternoon. Sounds easy, but involves winning the whole family round. Anyway, lovely walk around Uley Bury. Took a 20 min pinhole pic of Smallpox Hill (Bury Hill). Will see what it's like when I have a few more to develop. Cooked roast chicken and saffron potatoes and cauliflower and K did the carrots, and I did 'Daddy Gravy'. Ugh! No, daddy gravy is the only gravy that my epicurean children deem acceptable. It made me think about the way DLA is awarded, and how it is skewed against anyone who's been a chef or who can indeed cook well. Pleasant chat in the evening with a couple of people. And the missus went out swimming and did a mile! Not a bad day at all.

(I've decided to keep all these in the one post. If anyone is interested, then bookmark or whatever you weirdo stalker-lurker-snoopers do :-) )

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Thurs - can't remember sleeping. Best friend came over - needed to price a job. I came out for the jaunt. Brought it all back. The horror, the horror. The horror of taking on 70K worth of work for earning maybe 20K, and hoping that one will be well enough for long enough to do it professionally. My skin was crawling and my mind was shutting it off.

Fri - ditto - paranoid, unloved by all and sundry. K kicked me into using telephone.

Sat - Sleep - about four hours. There was a post about that.

Sun - Sleep - so so. Went for a walk to a local long barrow. Took some photos, pinhole and normal. Semi-high.

Here's one I took the day or three before.



Mon - Very sad. Sleep shitty. Had bad news night before. Sad for them, not me, though I ended up crying a lot on their behalf. Ended up a very grotty day.

Tue - In bed from 1 til 10. 1 til 7 I woke about 20 - 24 times. So innumerable 15 minute bursts. I could be charming and call it 'drifting'... It was more like a car door slamming on my head regularly. Felt grotty and fucking irritable all day. Attacked family accounts, started organising everything! Etc. Made some prints in the night.

Wed - Sleep: 1 hour, 1 hour, 1 hour, 1 hour. Felt wonderfully rested. More ORGANISING! Shelf-rearranging, etc...

Thur - 10 hours straight sleep! Bit of a non-day. Cooked, etc. Did a bit of painting. Cooked again. We watched a pleasant and rather sweet film: I Am A Cyborg (But That's Ok). Now trying to blog, and will shortly go to bed to either stare at the ceiling crawl around again, or sleep, inshallah. Take care all.

6 comments:

la said...

Am going to adopt strategy of saying 'cake' brightly and hopefully and see how it pays off x

karenintheory said...

Hope things have picked up. Love and hugs xxx

David said...

"Cake! Cake! (It was a Victoria Sponge, with Chocolate Chips, Strips of Orange Zest, and Glace Cherrys, with lots of good vanilla essence).

Thanks both.

Wednesday's update above. My diary (if I keep it up) will stay on this post.

David said...

I have a cousin called Cherry, hence my plural confusion above.

la said...

"Cake? Cake?" The cat just stares.

David said...

So do the boys when we ask them for help!