Saturday, 19 December 2009

Practical Advice

Sorry if I'm been lax. I've been doing the heads of sane people in over on facebook. You all know my name - you can find me.

It's nearly two years since I went completely nuts. And I am not very much different from that at the moment apart from one enormously important factor: namely, these days myself, and my wife, and my kids, all conspire, perspire, and etc to make a joke out of my 'enthusiams'. I have changed my world, rather than changed myself. It has worked to an extent. Ok, I can't rewrite the rules for H&S or insurance companies, or even the DVLA who want me to fill a form in. Example: "Have you misused alcohol in the last six months?" What on earth do they mean by 'misuse'? I must confess, I spilt some on the table the other week (because I was drunk) and I used it to clean felt-tip scrawling out of the grain of the wood... Etc. To be honest, my only honest reply to misuse of alcohol is not drinking it. What else is it for? (apart from cleaning). I could be sober at the moment, and I could be taking the suicide pills, which I have a super stash of, namely Quetiapine, Olazapine and Depakote. But I'd rather stick by the whisky to be honest. I can calibrate the dose far better.

My love is still heartbroken. The gp prescribed some weaker beta blockers but fucked up the prescript, and ended up prescribing a dose 16x stronger than he intended. He was very shamefaced when K triple-checked. The panic in his voice gives the clue to the fact that that mistake might have killed her. Thank something we're tough fuckers who ask before obeying. Grey matter first!!!!!! And if grey matter says "WHAT?!!!!" then get a second opinion.

I am fucking manic. I'm not going to list the ways. I'm glad I'm indoors, clothed, and moaning about doctors, etc. But I am convinced many of us (and I've been yakking with a couple of semi-manic people tonight) - have an antagonistic version of SAD - we go up to spite the down in the darkest days. It has happened to me anyway the last five years at least.

Last word. I'm going to try to restore the blog. It was selfish of me to delete it. There is stuff that could help people, if google is any indication. It might wipe out everything. But it might not.

It will still carry on, interminably, never fear, although I fear that.

Dx

p.s. And just another time for the record, counter to everyone who hates mania. If someone is manic, and can FUNNEL IT, and make use of it. It can be good. It can even be life-saving. Funneling is the key. Controlling. But of course, that isn't Mania, captialalfjasdfsl -

x - y = z

If y is huge, then don't lecture me on my shortcomings of x you bastards. My y is almost worn out. Absolutely lace-like. Gossamer. Fuck. I don't believe, but God preserve me through xmas.

6 comments:

Ruby Tuesday said...

The point about 'funnelling' is a darn good one.

x

Ruby Tuesday said...

also chuckled at the misuse of alcohol. Am definately subscribing to your logic ...

Kate said...

Misuse of alcohol!?
I washed my hair in vodka last year when my daughter shared her headlice with me. It didn't kill the buggers. Does that count?
The DVLA are nobheads. Why don't the rest of the motoring population get quizzed about their habits? If they confiscated the liscences of each and everyone of them who'd 'misused' alcohol in the last 6 months, I don't imagine there's be many folks left on the road.
Unbelievable - that oversight of Kate's doctor. Very glad to hear she was canny enough to check first. Always a good idea. I generally scrutinise any medication I'm prescribed for several days before taking it, read the packet until I've memorised all the info, crush it up and put in under the microscope, dissolve it in vodka to ensure it doesn't combust combined with the sauce .. and so on and on and on. I haven't trusted 'them' since they fed me prozac several years ago which triggered a deeply unpleasant bout of manic psychosis.
Know what you mean about the winter hypos. I think I'm sensing mine coming along after that brief stint of depression. I think it was you that said it - depressions are so intolerably dull, the brain soon jerks itself off into mania as a emergency escape route.
Take care both of you.
K.x

Lola Snow said...

I've never misused alcohol, I did once snort olive brine (Minus the Olives) in a bit of ill advised bar room one-up-manship. My rival thought he was ambitious as he was snorting tequila, I was tempted to try Baileys but thought better of it. Is that misusing? Back in my heyday (in much the same manner) people used to ask if I was misusing illegal drugs, I never thought to ask for clarification, just said No. Handy.

Lola x

eccedentesiat said...

See misusing non alcoholic drinks is also dangerous, so why don't they ask about that too? When my sister was 10 she snorted Coke (as in cola) and had severe nose bleeds from that point on. It ended with a nasty operation for her Coke wrecked nose. Funny story to tell though lol.

And the whole Doctor Idiot jobby, what a silly man. Thank Eff Kate realised the mistake... maybe your Doc had been misusing alcohol...

Take care and be happy :) x

H said...

When you enter the USA, under the visa-waiver agreement, you have to answer a number of questions on a form, including "Have you ever been arrested or convicted for an offense or crime involving moral turpitude?" - I'm glad the DVLA don't use that one too.
I don't think my morals have ever been turpitudinous, though. Which may be a bold claim, since I'm not quite sure what counts...