Sorry if I'm been lax. I've been doing the heads of sane people in over on facebook. You all know my name - you can find me.
It's nearly two years since I went completely nuts. And I am not very much different from that at the moment apart from one enormously important factor: namely, these days myself, and my wife, and my kids, all conspire, perspire, and etc to make a joke out of my 'enthusiams'. I have changed my world, rather than changed myself. It has worked to an extent. Ok, I can't rewrite the rules for H&S or insurance companies, or even the DVLA who want me to fill a form in. Example: "Have you misused alcohol in the last six months?" What on earth do they mean by 'misuse'? I must confess, I spilt some on the table the other week (because I was drunk) and I used it to clean felt-tip scrawling out of the grain of the wood... Etc. To be honest, my only honest reply to misuse of alcohol is not drinking it. What else is it for? (apart from cleaning). I could be sober at the moment, and I could be taking the suicide pills, which I have a super stash of, namely Quetiapine, Olazapine and Depakote. But I'd rather stick by the whisky to be honest. I can calibrate the dose far better.
My love is still heartbroken. The gp prescribed some weaker beta blockers but fucked up the prescript, and ended up prescribing a dose 16x stronger than he intended. He was very shamefaced when K triple-checked. The panic in his voice gives the clue to the fact that that mistake might have killed her. Thank something we're tough fuckers who ask before obeying. Grey matter first!!!!!! And if grey matter says "WHAT?!!!!" then get a second opinion.
I am fucking manic. I'm not going to list the ways. I'm glad I'm indoors, clothed, and moaning about doctors, etc. But I am convinced many of us (and I've been yakking with a couple of semi-manic people tonight) - have an antagonistic version of SAD - we go up to spite the down in the darkest days. It has happened to me anyway the last five years at least.
Last word. I'm going to try to restore the blog. It was selfish of me to delete it. There is stuff that could help people, if google is any indication. It might wipe out everything. But it might not.
It will still carry on, interminably, never fear, although I fear that.
p.s. And just another time for the record, counter to everyone who hates mania. If someone is manic, and can FUNNEL IT, and make use of it. It can be good. It can even be life-saving. Funneling is the key. Controlling. But of course, that isn't Mania, captialalfjasdfsl -
x - y = z
If y is huge, then don't lecture me on my shortcomings of x you bastards. My y is almost worn out. Absolutely lace-like. Gossamer. Fuck. I don't believe, but God preserve me through xmas.
Ready To Rock
1 month ago