Monday, 18 January 2010

Ticktockticktock

Thanks for the kind words on the last. The state still stands, except I forced myself to concentrate and work work work and has bumped me out into a state of alternating focus and unreality. Which averaged out over a day feels fine in retrospect. Not so good minute per minute, but I'm not complaining.

Last night I slept for eight hours in two four hour blocks. Bliss.

I always crash in February. I don't want to again. Maybe if I can force myself on (and yawn yes the yoga is helping) I won't go screaming back up in April as per usual.

When one recognises a syndrome in oneself, and one doesn't necessarily like it, then try to change it. That's my motto. Who knows? We'll see.

Unrelated, apart from yoga. Have some man-candy:



Take care all, Dx

2 comments:

Kate said...

Don't quite know what to say without sounding glib since I'm presently experiencing a wellness unparalled (could be the pills - we'll see what happens come April/MAy)...
..Other than - I know the state you describe well. Looking back, it feels as if I spent half my life in that place. I tackled it simularly - with activity (preferably discrete and managable) plus 'centering' techniques like yoga (I never called it that. I've been upsidedown with my legs behind my neck for as long as I can remember and I still stand on one leg with the other foot in ,my hand when I'm waiting for buses/the spin cycle to finish etc).
I do admire you for working through it sans-pills. I caved in in the end and the very fact that life is beginning to feel slightly easier is actually making me feel a bit guilty - like I've cheated - although I'm not being 'lazy' about it (still forcing myself out for the dawn constitutional, thrusting myself ever onwards etc etc).
I often wonder about how very simular a trajectory we seem to follow and how very simularly we respond.
So I really do understand and empathise with how you are just now. Chances are I'll be back there again soon (pills are never foolproof, we all know that).
Take care and if ever you want to chat, you know where I am.
K.x

David said...

Thanks Kate - seriously, I'm ok. I'm very patient when it comes to waiting for the last bus!

Funnily, I wasn't consciously aware, but the other day when I went splat was two years to the day from when the docs were brought in to our lives.

Someone dropped a gloom-bomb.

I know it's oh-so unfashionable in these days of biobrainleftrightlinksrechtchemicals but I would say my psyche was probably clocking anniversaries* below the watchful eye of my ken.

Anyway, after getting K wired for a 48 hour ecg today, we stopped off at a country pub on the way home, and had a pint and shared a basket of chips outside! in the sun!!!

And it was warm.

* alternative and more likely theory - K was fully cognizant of anniversaries - though silent about it - she set me off quite possibly - I didn't know what was bothering her, and she wouldn't say. Always a bad idea with people like me.

Anyway. About to go to bed. But agree about trajectory. We should do a joint study over the next twelve months. Anyway, I'm sure we're related distantly! (Even if it's back from that bit of Africa.)

Take care all, night night, says D, soldiering on.

Sigh. Shoulders slump. Off to bed. That said, it's still nearly three o'clock. Tsssk!