Monday, 15 March 2010

Reckless Blooming

"Everything is blooming most recklessly; if it were voices instead of colors, there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night." Rilke.

And it's only the crocuses and the tense look of the trees' twigs yet.

Sleep has not been great. Still averaging four hours, including drips and drabs of fugal states, which is better than nothing. I feel fine with it at present. Some interesting visuals at times, but nothing frightening.

Nothing to be sad about; plenty to be happy about. So what is there to complain about, eh? Nothing that I cannot say "Aroint!" to. Many irritations, but life is made of them. They are not worthy of listing.

At home, we seem to have our health, and that is something to be thankful for. There is too much trouble about.

On a completely unrelated note, I noticed something about those darkened-room images (or closed-eye pictures) whatever your preferred terms are... you know, spirals, patterns, faces, talking faces, people, scenes... They always feel as if they are crawling across the retina, but if you tilt your head side to side, or rotate neck towards each shoulder, they stay put - they have a fixed spatial basis in your perception that is unrelated to your eye. Therefore they are purely imaginary, and not a misinterpretation of an internal visual artefact. (Or else they are really there... ahem.)

Just thought I'd share that - often the obvious escapes us!

Keep safe everyone, Dx


Mo said...

Sorry to hear your sleep is screwed up at the moment David. I hate creeping about like a burglar when Mrs Mo is asleep.

I had similar night visions a couple of years ago. Initially frightening but you can only be scared for so long and as they persisted they became more intriguing, lots of symbolic stuff like crosses. The shrink dismissed them as hypnogogic (to pinch a word from Kate's recent entry) hallucinations although I know I was wide awake at the time and not drifting in and out of sleep. The Pirate of course simply smiled patronisingly at me as if I'd never heard of a fuckin' hypnogogic state and was too thick to differentiate between this and lucid experience. Sorry... I've started to blog rather than comment!

Anyway, hope you get a good kip soon.
Best Wishes

David said...

Comment away! I think they are related to hypnagogic states, but I've a theory that dream states penetrate into consciousness more readily when up, sleep-deprived, etc - hence the fact you can get them when not remotely sleeply, though being generally still and without distraction seems to be necessary apart from the worse times.

David said...

p.s. I know 'dream states' is ever so technical, but as a term, it will do for me :-)

atb D

Scream said...

Sleep, sweet sleep. It is so elusive. I did not feel at all manic yesterday until about 11pm when I had to get up and start screaming because I heard my favorite person's voice the police scanner. It is a shame that I woke up my husband with my carry on. I really wanted to go out and ride my bike but I took and extra benzo instead so I slept ok other than my usual waking up at 4 am and tossing and turning until morning. Take care.

Scream said...

Oh no visuals for me but the voices are back. They are so rare now that they always surprise me when they come. They are almost alway hypnogogic. When I hear them during the day then I know I've gone over the edge.

Even when I am not hearing voices I talk to myself all the time. I am talking to my pretend friends I guess. They are real people that I want to talk to and I relive old conversations with them and I don't realize that I am mouthing the words and making the hand gestures until someone gives me a funny look.

I'm sure it looks like I am talking to voices though.