Friday, 28 May 2010


That last was too terse. I had just settled the boys down for the night, and was in one of those strange moments of life when you feel that although you knew the ground had shifted, suddenly you feel it confirmed by the way it unexpectedly gives under your feet. That happened to me once: a crap job, strimming the cemetery in Bourton on the Water. I was stood on a grave, and suddenly the ground gave way. Only by about eight inches. But I worked out what had happened long ago: the coffin had collapsed, and there was a gap somewhere in the soil above. Oh well, maybe an apt metaphor, or reminiscence. Does that sound cruel? It's not meant to.

Ever since we'd been together 'longer than anyone else' pretty much, this myth started developing among all our friends, family, etc, that we were some mythologically perfect couple. Lies, all damned lies. And a fine pair of liars, too. It got to the point where it felt the universe would have to shatter before we would be able to part. Strangely, in the end, it was very easy. Tipping points... flocks of starlings turning on a nine-pin, so to speak... a seemingly inexorable projectile that hurtles on until you shift focus and realise it's only a squash ball just about to hit the wall. My camel's back broke, and I realised I wasn't a camel.

Oh well, I'm raising my cup of licorice tea, and toasting the evening. Yes, a sadness due to history, like a building that fell down, and had the weakness built into it. A relief that a sign has come (even if it was abstracted) that she is beginning to get her head around things. Happiness, well that is all for other reasons too.

Take care all, I'm all right. Dx

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