Thursday, 24 June 2010

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien

Slowly hearing the word on the ground from various friends and acquaintances. So it is all because I am 'mad' or 'ill' is it? All those years of making the best of a deceitful, abusive, paranoid and controlling relationship were only in my head, were they? Well, strange how since we split I've felt obscenely sane. Hands up anyone who feels half their problems were propagated by their partner (or parents)?

Random question and answer: Q: What action in my life do I most regret doing while drunk? A: Proposing to my wife when we should have split up in 97. But... non, je ne regrette rien...

Other news: I'm about to become footloose again in a couple of weeks. Footloose is a much nicer word than homeless, don't you think? I'll survive. And it is the summer, after all. But what would I give for my own kitchen?!!! Reminds me of a silly purchase - having left my favourite kitchen knife behind, and getting so fed up with using other peoples' blunt ones, I've just ordered this:

Other news, rather stupidly, as I'm feeling ok, the DLA finally got round to awarding me middle rate til 2013. I won't grumble or feel guilty, but will think of it as owed for the last years when I really needed it. Pragmatism? Maybe. I've had enough of my own stupid idealism and doing everything by the book when I only end up shafted every which way.

Health? Ok, apart from the occasional crack. I've been under a fair bit of pressure I suppose, the last three months. Maybe being 'mad' actually helps me handle it, when many people would have lost it completely? Who knows. Maybe there is something wrong in me that I haven't lost it. I don't know. I don't know if I care, to be honest.

And last but not least: love and hope. I have a feeling in my marrow that it will be a wonderful summer, despite any vicissitudes that the world may throw at me.

Take care all,

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