And I seem to be bouncing from the internal squash-court of my skull more and more as we approach the 'fustive' season. I am sure I am being a right arse with everything I do and say at the moment. It is embarrassing, but dwelling excessively on shame at ones randomness only has dire consequences. To be able to rein in, without the boltgun through the auld nag's brainpan!
Today is good though. Sitting by a fire, talking to the kids as they draw and make mess. Singing songs. Feeling that the glaciers of fate are slipping faster, freely, that next year will be easier.
This year has been both the best and worst of my life. Strange. Simultaneous heaven and hell. 2010 - a mixed-state year. Heavenly love and hellish love. I have had to become my own purgatorio to find some even ground for me to exist in.
But the air is freshening.
I'm trying to find ways to be consistent. I am bloody awful at it. I feel like a bloody kindergarten child, being taught his abc, or how to wipe his arse, or something. I have achieved so much that is positive this year while going through hell, that I feel hope for myself and everyone around me.
But feeling that sense and sensibility are tugging, wanting to take a brief holiday.
Well, I shall not let them.
Hope everyone in the bloggoverse is surviving, and the best of all midwinters to you all. Take care all Dx
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