Sunday, 28 August 2011

Drowner

The Drowner

I cannot relate the fact: not the pythons
that seized my feet in their bed of mud,
nor the black-lab Anubis who rose with a gasp
and assumed a human face; nor the gaps
in the headfronts of the bystanders
as they sidled in a fairyland, then fled.

The foetus-form, tender in its clothes,
slipping from the sun-beamed jangle
into murk and further murk, a dream
of gentleness, supine submariner, asleep,
a vision of peace that fouled the water
more complete than rot and sewage.

And I cannot dare relate the fear,
for fear of fear, and fear of fear's evil;
my spirit was made black with the same,
the criminality of terror, panic, forcing fugue,
all tainted: I walked away, shoulders shivering
for the moral grasp of apprehension.

The moment of redemption is untellable:
the balloon-buoyed rise from the riverbed,
fingers seizing that corpse-scruff, surging,
so glad he was gone and not drowning me;
and the moment I squeezed the life from him
and neck-deep still, cursed him into breathing.

Sunday, 21 August 2011

Trying to Remember How To Write

Yes yes yes, I've been away, and for good reasons. Mostly circumstantial, generally of the variety that gets very tired of all the "is this going to offend someone?" Anyway, I'm not out to offend anyone, just to catch up a wee bit.

How is the head? As mad as ever, but being with a mad lover, I've found new strength to keep it smothered better than I used to. Thereby hangs a tale... tail? Donkey? If circumstances improve ones capability, then where lieth the madness? I take refuge in my old equation:

Weirdness - Coping = Symptoms

And coping of course is easier when one is happier. So, that's that sorted.

What else has happened to me recently? In the last two months I have had a vasectomy, turned forty, saved a drowning muslim, spent plenty of time with the kids, and tidied up my flat. How's that eh? I'm sure I could talk more on any of these things, but why now? No-one will read this - the blogosphere is a fickle audience.

In reverse order, some dangleberries:

Finally sorted out the boy's bedroom. It was a 'box room' before. Only took me 10 months, but so what?

Boys are blooming. Little wee beasts. Happier. Thank god.


Sorry, I think it's decent enough not to offend the paedophiles.

Drowner: an instructor from the East End Mosque I happened across while walking along the Wye. It was every nightmare that you can imagine (panicked big man, underwater trees, sinking semi-corpse, panicked bystanders running away like zombies, fear and fear and fear), and it didn't make me feel good - the opposite - I felt like a criminal.

Forty? Smorty.

Oh enough!!! Hope all are surviving out there. xxx

Thursday, 18 August 2011

Fresh Start, Yet Again


Still alive, getting better, generally... or still getting generally better at living.